If you’re going to enter into a long-term relationship with a guy, you want to know that he’s just as committed to your partnership as you are. But at times, finding this type of guy can feel impossible. Where do you start? And what do you do?
Commitment is something that we all struggle with to some degree. And while many women have small commitment issues, larger cultural trends reveal that men seem to struggle with this aspect of relationships more.
But here’s the thing: Just because some men struggle with commitment – including those you’ve dated in the past – doesn’t mean all men struggle with it. There are plenty of men willing to commit – you simply have to find them.
When you do find a committed man, you’ll enjoy a variety of benefits – such as feelings of safety and security, improved intimacy, stronger feeling of connectedness, and increased happiness.
Sounds great, but where do you find a committed man?
Here are a few pointers:
1. Start With You
Happy people attract happy people. Committed people attract other people who aren’t afraid of commitment. So before you can get serious about pursuing a relationship, take some time to look in the mirror. Are you putting off the sort of vibes that would attract a committed guy?
Being happy sometimes feels easier said than done. But if you want to increase you overall happiness levels, you can start by doing the following:
- Don’t worry. Worry is the quickest way to sour your mood. Push out fearful and anxious thoughts and replace them with happy thoughts. Reflect on good memories, daydream about exciting things, and let your mind go crazy with optimism.
- Talk about happy things. Sometimes you can boost your mood by simply talking about happy things. Even if you struggle to believe what you’re saying, forcing yourself to say happy things will ultimately convince your mind to come around.
- Laugh and smile more. Research shows that, by forcing a smile, you activate a group of muscles in the face that are closely connected to emotions like joy and happiness. By smiling more often, you send signals to the brain that everything is good. (There’s a similar correlation with laughing and happiness.)
- Help others. Kindness and generosity can do a lot for your mood. And while we often do kind acts to help someone else, the truth is that the giver often gets more joy out of the generosity than the reciever. That’s all the more reason to practice giving freely!
If you commit to this list on a daily basis, you’ll see your mood and overall happiness skyrocket. Subsequently, you’ll be in a much better place to attract the kind of man you’re seeking.
2. Go Where Committed Men Are
If you’re spending your nights bar hopping or clubbing, you shouldn’t expect to find a committed man. While there are certainly some good, stable men in these environments, they’re the exceptions. A majority simply enjoy the freedom of being single, or like the excitement of the chase more than settling down. Again, not all – but many!
Want to find a committed man? Go where they are. You’re much more likely to find stable, potential dating partners at business conferences and luncheons, networking gatherings, church gatherings, events hosted by friends, or even a wedding of two people you know to be good, committed people. (Committed people tend to spend time with other committed people, so there are likely to be some solid individuals on the guest list.)
3. Learn How Men Think
It’s possible that you’re so stuck inside your head that you’re failing to view things from a potential dating partner’s vantage point. By learning how men think, you can alter your approach in healthy ways.
For example, you can learn a lot about a man by studying his astrology sign. That might sound sort of hokey or “out there,” but it works. Just ask Anna Kovach, who discovered the power of astrology as she was pursuing a man.
“It’s what led me directly to the root of his deepest desires and true way of thinking, feeling, and communicating,” writes Kovach of TaurusMenSecrets.com. “The discovery of this new knowledge helped me speak his language and talk directly to his core being.”
Not interested in astrology? Try reading some basic psychology books or taking online classes in relationships. The more you know about the opposite sex, the better you’ll be able to sniff out the committed men from the players.
4. Stop Pining for a Man Who Isn’t Available
This should be pretty straightforward and obvious, but it’s amazing how many women complain about being unable to find a committed man, yet they constantly target guys who aren’t available.
For one, you can’t go after men who are taken. Not only are you stepping into the middle of an existing relationship, but you’re setting a precedence. You’re revealing something about the man’s character. If he’s willing to leave a relationship for you, what’s to stop him from eventually leaving your relationship for another woman?
Secondly, don’t pine after men who are emotionally unavailable. Whether he’s disinterested in you, not ready to be in a long-term relationship, or shows no signs of commitment to anything in his life…stay away! It’s tempting to think you can change someone, but this is almost always wishful thinking.
5. Don’t Force Him to Commit
Whatever you do, don’t try to force commitment on a guy. The moment you press too hard, you’ll find that most men retreat. They want to commit on their own time. Your overzealousness will produce diminishing returns. Let it happen naturally.
Find Your One True (Committed) Love
It’s easy to fall in love with someone you find charming and attractive. It takes much more discernment to patiently wait until you find someone who not only embodies these characteristics, but who is also committed to building a healthy, long-term relationship. As you search for a man who checks these all-important boxes, remember to be patient and open. You never know when or where you’ll stumble upon Mr. Right.